Living up to Dearest Mum and Dad's Expectations
Just like any parents, my mom and dad wishes the best for their kids. Great educations, great life, succeeding in general. My mom and dad is from a small town in the island east of sumatra. They met in Jakarta which is a capital city out of their similarities of their hometown.
My mother is... and amazing women, quite workaholic. she never stops working and that's how she is in life. Even in her mid 40s, she still looks gorgeous. She always took care of her look, her fashion and of course.. this applies to my sister and me. She always push us to be "pretty" and what a woman should've been seen as. But she can only see and think of that. She never thinks that her words might have hurt us.
As a chubby girl on my teenage years, i've heard lots of mean words from the people surrounding me. But honestly, the most hurtful words are those who came from my mom and dad. "you should lose some weight so you'll look pretty" they said. i know this means well but don't you think i would've done it far long before if it was so easy? Being pretty, it was an important thing for my parents. So important that they never stop reminding us, in a way, of how we are not good enough to the eyes of the world.
My mom once casually said to my sister "if I have the money, you should do plastic surgery" and starts pointing the part where she thinks my sister should change. She means well, she wanted her to become prettier. But also, in a way, she's saying that my sister was not pretty enough that she has to change her natural features. And hearing that from your own mom, who actually gave you all of the features was hurtful.
As i've said i was a chubby girl, chubby was even an understatement of my condition back then. I was obese. I've loose lots of weight and tried to live up to their expectations, as a pretty girl they longed their daughters to be. But honestly, i did it not at all from their so called 'encouragement' but i did it for myself.
I am all about giving them being proud of my achievement. When my sister got into one of the best university in Indonesia, they were all so proud, they kept telling everybody how she's now going to a university that's pretty much really hard to get into. I was in the other hand, had my head stuck in a goal in which i want to study abroad. But looking at my parents economic condition, it was almost just like a dream. I did not apply to any university once I graduated high school because i kept telling myself i am going to study abroad. France to be exact. i wouldn't want my parents to just brag about one of her daughter yet the other one is practically not doing anything in her life. So I kept my dream, and i did it, i went to France to study. And all i wanted was to let my brag about how one of her daughter went to the best university in the country and the other is studying in France.
I am happy with my life. my body. myself.
But to this day, everytime I call my parents, they would commented how i regained my weights eating all the delicious food i am not regretting having, how i started to have acnes from God know what happens of my hormones, how my skin was not as perfect as i had freckles and i should never leave the house without sunblock. and that. just. sucks.
But still, i love myself enough to still love then no matter what they said.
My mother is... and amazing women, quite workaholic. she never stops working and that's how she is in life. Even in her mid 40s, she still looks gorgeous. She always took care of her look, her fashion and of course.. this applies to my sister and me. She always push us to be "pretty" and what a woman should've been seen as. But she can only see and think of that. She never thinks that her words might have hurt us.
As a chubby girl on my teenage years, i've heard lots of mean words from the people surrounding me. But honestly, the most hurtful words are those who came from my mom and dad. "you should lose some weight so you'll look pretty" they said. i know this means well but don't you think i would've done it far long before if it was so easy? Being pretty, it was an important thing for my parents. So important that they never stop reminding us, in a way, of how we are not good enough to the eyes of the world.
My mom once casually said to my sister "if I have the money, you should do plastic surgery" and starts pointing the part where she thinks my sister should change. She means well, she wanted her to become prettier. But also, in a way, she's saying that my sister was not pretty enough that she has to change her natural features. And hearing that from your own mom, who actually gave you all of the features was hurtful.
As i've said i was a chubby girl, chubby was even an understatement of my condition back then. I was obese. I've loose lots of weight and tried to live up to their expectations, as a pretty girl they longed their daughters to be. But honestly, i did it not at all from their so called 'encouragement' but i did it for myself.
I am all about giving them being proud of my achievement. When my sister got into one of the best university in Indonesia, they were all so proud, they kept telling everybody how she's now going to a university that's pretty much really hard to get into. I was in the other hand, had my head stuck in a goal in which i want to study abroad. But looking at my parents economic condition, it was almost just like a dream. I did not apply to any university once I graduated high school because i kept telling myself i am going to study abroad. France to be exact. i wouldn't want my parents to just brag about one of her daughter yet the other one is practically not doing anything in her life. So I kept my dream, and i did it, i went to France to study. And all i wanted was to let my brag about how one of her daughter went to the best university in the country and the other is studying in France.
I am happy with my life. my body. myself.
But to this day, everytime I call my parents, they would commented how i regained my weights eating all the delicious food i am not regretting having, how i started to have acnes from God know what happens of my hormones, how my skin was not as perfect as i had freckles and i should never leave the house without sunblock. and that. just. sucks.
But still, i love myself enough to still love then no matter what they said.
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